In a surprising post-presidency twist, Joe Biden has taken on a new role as a member of his local neighborhood watch in Delaware. Armed with a flashlight, a notepad, and his signature aviators, the former president is reportedly committed to ensuring safety in his suburban community. However, his enthusiasm for the job has quickly turned heads—and raised eyebrows.
“I See Something, I Say Something!”
According to local sources, Biden has taken the watch program’s motto very seriously, going on late-night patrols and jotting down what he calls “suspicious activity.” Unfortunately, this has included mistaking porch lights for “coordinated signals” and Ring doorbell cameras for “possible cyber espionage tools.”
“Joe’s got a heart of gold, but last week he called an emergency meeting about a blinking porch light,” said one of his fellow neighborhood watch members. “He said it looked like Morse code from the Russians. It turned out to just be a faulty bulb.”
Midnight Mischief
Biden’s commitment to the cause hasn’t come without its missteps. Several neighbors have reported hearing knocks on their doors at odd hours, only to find the former president peering through their peepholes.
“He rang my doorbell at 2 a.m. and asked why I had two Amazon packages on my porch,” one resident shared. “I told him it was just toilet paper and laundry detergent. He saluted me and said, ‘Stay vigilant, pal.’”
Another resident reported Biden investigating her inflatable holiday decorations, calling them “potential surveillance drones disguised as reindeer.”
Not Everyone’s a Fan
While many in the neighborhood have appreciated Biden’s energy, others are less enthusiastic. “It’s sweet, but I don’t need him shining a flashlight into my backyard at midnight,” one resident grumbled. “I already have a dog for that.”
The neighborhood association has reportedly had to “gently suggest” that Biden scale back his patrols after several complaints. As a compromise, he’s agreed to limit his rounds to before 9 p.m. and only use his whistle “for real emergencies.”
Building Community Bonds
Despite the hiccups, Biden’s involvement has brought a unique charm to the neighborhood. Local kids have taken to calling him “Captain Vigilance,” and some parents have even asked him to pose for selfies while on duty.
“Joe may not always get it right, but you can’t question his heart,” said one neighbor. “If nothing else, he’s brought the community closer—if only to share stories about his patrols.”
What’s Next?
When asked about his role on the neighborhood watch, Biden was optimistic. “Hey, I’m just trying to help out, Jack,” he said, grinning. “You know, it’s like being president—just on a smaller scale. Same deal, different porch.”
As for the future, sources say Biden is considering leading a seminar titled “Neighborhood Safety and You: How to Spot Trouble Without Losing Sleep.” One thing’s for certain: in this Delaware suburb, security has never been more entertaining.
