WASHINGTON, D.C. – Tom Foolery, the notorious mind behind the satirical powerhouse Politicule, has reportedly received a series of veiled threats from an unknown but undeniably powerful political figure. Sources close to the publication say the messages, delivered via encrypted emails and untraceable burner phones, hint at an individual with decades of political influence and a history of making problems “disappear.”
Foolery, known for his biting political satire and fearless approach to lampooning the powers that be, first noticed something was amiss when his morning coffee order began arriving exactly how he didn’t like it. “I always order a double espresso, black. But suddenly, it’s coming with a splash of vanilla almond milk,” he recounted. “That’s when I knew—someone was sending a message.”
The unsettling incidents escalated when Foolery discovered that his latest Politicule article, “Shady Political Operative Trademarks the Letter ‘H’ and Sues the Alphabet”, had been flagged as ‘dangerous misinformation’ before it even went live. “Usually, our stuff gets banned after it spreads. This was preemptive. That’s next-level suppression,” Foolery stated.
Sources inside Politicule claim that Foolery has also received cryptic warnings, such as a typed note left on his windshield reading, ‘You’re getting warmer, but the fire still burns.’ Another unsettling clue came in the form of a single high-heeled footprint outside his office—a calling card that, to some insiders, felt eerily familiar.
While no names have been officially linked to the threats, insiders and seasoned observers have pointed out certain coincidences. Foolery’s most recent Politicule exposé, a deep-dive into shadowy backroom deals titled “How One Family Turned the White House into an Airbnb for Billionaires”, had reportedly triggered a wave of behind-the-scenes fury. One source, requesting anonymity for their own safety, whispered, “We’re not saying it’s her, but you know It’s her.”
Despite the intimidation, Foolery remains defiant. “If I vanish mysteriously or suddenly announce I’m taking up watercolor painting in the Swiss Alps, just know—it wasn’t voluntary.”
At press time, Foolery was seen checking his phone for unusual pings, avoiding overly enthusiastic baristas, and casually Googling ‘how to survive sudden exile in an undisclosed location.’
