In a move that has stunned political analysts and sandwich enthusiasts alike, President Donald Trump has fired the White House chef after reports surfaced that $10 million in taxpayer funds had been spent on what he called ‘ridiculously fancy sandwiches.’
At an impromptu press conference at Mar-a-Lago, Trump was quick to address the controversy. “Look, I love sandwiches. Some say I make the best sandwiches. Tremendous sandwiches. But ten million dollars? For what? Gold-crusted mayo? It’s outrageous, folks. The chef is gone. Fired! Just like that.”
The ‘Missing’ Budget Breakdown
According to leaked White House accounting records, the missing funds were spent on:
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$2 million on Wagyu beef sliders ‘blessed by a Michelin-starred monk.’
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$3.5 million for an ‘artisan sandwich artist’ flown in from the Swiss Alps.
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$1.8 million on ‘hand-foraged truffle aioli’—allegedly gathered by a retired French aristocrat.
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$1.2 million for presidential PB&Js made with peanut butter aged in barrels from the 1800s.
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$1.5 million on a ‘Big Biden Breakfast Burrito’ reportedly wrapped in actual Constitution parchment (fact-check pending).
Biden Responds, Calls It ‘The Best Sandwiches Ever’
Former President Joe Biden, in a brief and slightly incoherent statement, defended the expenditures. “Look, man, sometimes you gotta treat yourself. Have you ever had a sandwich that just changes your whole day? C’mon, folks. Let’s be serious.”
He then proceeded to eat what appeared to be a sandwich wrapped in gold foil, refusing to confirm whether it was part of the missing funds.
Trump’s Next Move: Bringing Back ‘Real American Food’
Following the firing, Trump took to Truth Social to outline his plan to bring “real food” back to the White House.
“We’re replacing these ridiculous sandwiches with REAL AMERICAN CLASSICS. Big Macs, KFC, maybe even a Trump Tower Grilled Cheese – the best, by the way. No more of this fancy nonsense. America first, sandwiches second!”
He also announced the hiring of a new White House chef, personally selected from a McDonald’s drive-thru in Florida, who, in Trump’s words, “knows how to make a meal for winners.”
Where’s the Chef Now?
The fired White House chef has reportedly received multiple job offers, including one from Elon Musk’s Mars colony initiative, where he would be responsible for developing ‘the first space-friendly sandwich.’
At press time, Biden was seen ordering another ‘presidential grilled cheese,’ while Trump was spotted shaking hands with a McDonald’s manager and calling him ‘a true American hero.’
