In a diplomatic exchange that can only be described as a masterclass in international hospitality, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy left his White House meeting with Donald Trump not with renewed military support, but with something far more valuable—a complimentary coupon for Trump Steaks.
The meeting, which began as a strategic discussion on Ukraine’s security needs, quickly devolved into a high-stakes infomercial, as Trump reportedly spent the first 20 minutes detailing the “superior marbling” of his signature steaks before pivoting to why Ukraine should “consider negotiating” with Russia.
“I’m not saying surrender, but maybe just a little bit?” Trump allegedly suggested, before motioning to Vice President J.D. Vance, who nodded solemnly and muttered, “Diplomacy.”
Coupons Instead of Weapons?
As Zelenskyy pressed for additional aid, Trump, in a bold and unexpected pivot, produced a golden-embossed coupon for 25% off Trump Steaks, redeemable “at select locations that no longer exist.” Sources confirm Zelenskyy accepted the offer with a blank stare, at which point Trump declared the meeting “a tremendous success.”
“People don’t know this, but protein is very important for wartime energy,” Trump explained. “I think Ukraine’s gonna do great things with this.”
‘The Art of the Meal’
Reaction to the meeting was swift, with critics accusing Trump of “reducing international diplomacy to a clearance sale” while supporters praised his “innovative approach to conflict resolution through premium beef.”
Former National Security Advisor John Bolton called the encounter “a surreal exercise in self-promotion”, while Senator Lindsey Graham reportedly told colleagues, “Look, at least it wasn’t Trump Vodka.”
Meanwhile, Kremlin sources hinted that Vladimir Putin had contacted the White House shortly after the meeting to inquire about “any available Wagyu options.”
Zelenskyy’s Response?
Upon his return to Ukraine, a visibly exhausted Zelenskyy held up the Trump Steaks coupon in front of a packed press conference, sighed deeply, and muttered something in Ukrainian that roughly translates to “What the actual hell?”
The White House, meanwhile, has doubled down on the steak strategy, with aides hinting that future foreign leaders could expect “exclusive savings on Trump-brand essentials” as part of their official visit.
As of press time, sources close to Zelenskyy report that he has tried unsuccessfully to redeem the coupon at a Ukrainian butcher shop and is currently considering listing it on eBay for additional military funding.
