In a bold move to dominate yet another industry, former President Donald Trump has announced the launch of Covfefe Cola, a “patriot-powered refreshment” set to challenge Coca-Cola and Pepsi. The name, of course, is a callback to Trump’s infamous late-night tweet that baffled the nation and became an internet legend. Now, it’s being bottled and carbonated for mass consumption.
Trump’s Grand Reveal
Unveiling Covfefe Cola at Mar-a-Lago, Trump declared, “This is the drink of winners, folks. Tremendous cola. So much better than that weak stuff you get from woke corporations.” He took a long sip on stage before nodding approvingly and adding, “Tastes like victory.”
The launch event featured golden soda fountains, a taste-testing station where every sip was met with a mandatory standing ovation, and a giant LED sign flashing “Best Cola Ever, Believe Me.” Attendees received a free bottle, but only after pledging allegiance to the Covfefe Cola brand in writing.
The Technical Details
Marketed as “a bold blend of success and mystery,” Covfefe Cola claims to have a “secret formula” that combines “American greatness” with “a slight hint of revenge.” Though details about its ingredients remain classified, the label promises “100% Pure Freedom” and “Zero Fake News.”
Trump also confirmed that Covfefe Cola will be available in a variety of sizes, including the standard Great Again Gulp, the Ultra MAGA Mega Gulp, and the exclusive Executive Order Edition, which comes in a gold-plated can and retails for $499.
Mixed Reactions
The launch has sparked controversy, with critics calling it a “transparent cash grab” and nutritionists warning that one bottle contains the recommended daily intake of “delusion.” Meanwhile, Trump supporters have already declared Covfefe Cola “the official drink of real Americans.”
Social media is already buzzing with divided takes. While one user tweeted, “Finally, a cola that fights for our values!” another replied, “I tried it. It tastes like if a lawsuit had a flavor.”
Early Results and Next Steps
Despite skepticism, sales are already surging. Reports indicate that Mar-a-Lago has already sold out, and some resellers on eBay are asking for upwards of $1,000 per case. Trump has teased an upcoming expansion, hinting at Covfefe Energy for those who need an “extra boost of winning” and Diet Covfefe for those who “want to lose weight without losing elections.”
One thing is clear: Trump is once again shaking things up—this time, in a bottle. Whether Covfefe Cola becomes a national staple or fizzes out remains to be seen.
