In a bold and long-overdue move, Congress has officially declared December as “National Procrastination Month“, a nationwide celebration of last-minute decisions, delayed responsibilities, and the phrase “I’ll get to it tomorrow.”
However, due to scheduling conflicts, the bill’s implementation has been postponed until next year.
“We’re Really Busy Right Now”
Lawmakers took five weeks to draft the 12-word bill, citing “a lot of stuff going on.” House Speaker Paul Shurley-Later explained the delay:
“You can’t rush something as important as procrastination. We’ve been meaning to address it for years, but, you know… life happens.”
Key Highlights of National Procrastination Month:
Deadline Amnesty:
All deadlines, bills, and tax filings will be automatically extended until whenever.
“Last-Minute Mondays”:
Each Monday will officially begin on Tuesday to help Americans ease into their week.
Government Incentives:
Citizens who wait until January to start their holiday shopping will receive a commemorative “Procrastination Participation Trophy“—available for pickup sometime in March.
Public Reaction: “Finally, Something Relatable”
The American public has widely embraced the initiative. A recent survey conducted by the Institute for Advanced Shrugging found that 99% of respondents supported the idea, though most “hadn’t gotten around to completing the survey yet.”
One citizen, Chad Wheeler, commented, “This is great news. I’ve been meaning to take a stand on procrastination, but I figured I’d wait until someone else did it first.”
Critics Demand Immediate Action
Not everyone is thrilled with the delay. Activist groups, like “The Coalition for Doing Things Now”, protested outside Congress, chanting: “When do we want it? Right now!”
In response, officials promised to form a bipartisan committee to look into it—“sometime after the holidays.”
Looking Ahead
To prepare for next year’s inaugural National Procrastination Month, Congress has proposed a 2025 resolution to push Daylight Saving Time back indefinitely, giving everyone one extra hour to not do anything productive.
“It’s about time,” Speaker Shurley-Later said, nodding off mid-sentence.
