In a bold legislative move that has left both tech experts and everyday citizens scratching their heads, Senator Marion “Good Intentions” Pritchard (D-Middleton) has introduced a new bill requiring Americans to send “thank you” emails in response to every spam message they receive. Officially titled the Electronic Gratitude Act of 2025, the proposal aims to foster kindness and appreciation—even in the murky waters of junk mail.
The Justification
At a press conference announcing the bill, Senator Pritchard explained her reasoning:
“Every spam message represents someone’s hard work, even if it’s a shady prince offering you $10 million or a mysterious pharmaceutical company with revolutionary weight loss pills. A simple thank you could brighten their day!”
The senator went on to describe spam as an “underappreciated art form” and cited her own inbox as a testament to human creativity. “Where else can you find emails promising eternal youth, free cruises, and guaranteed lottery winnings all in one place?” she asked rhetorically.
The Details
The proposed legislation would require email providers to integrate an automatic “thank you” reply button for all messages flagged as spam. The default message would read:
“Thank you for reaching out. While I am not interested at this time, I appreciate your effort and creativity.”
A bipartisan amendment suggests adding an emoji option to the reply, though debates continue over whether a thumbs-up or heart is more appropriate.
Critics Weigh In
Tech companies and cybersecurity experts have already begun pushing back.
“This is an open invitation for scammers to flood inboxes with even more junk,” said one cybersecurity analyst. “If anything, it’s going to turn the internet into one giant Hallmark card factory.”
Privacy advocates warn that the bill could lead to unintended consequences, such as spammers harvesting personal data from replies. “This isn’t kindness—it’s chaos,” argued an Electronic Frontier Foundation spokesperson.
Public Reactions
Reaction on social media has been predictably divided.
“Finally, someone in Congress who understands the value of good manners,” tweeted a self-proclaimed etiquette coach.
“Dear Senator Pritchard: Thank YOU for this ridiculous idea. Sincerely, Everyone With a Gmail Account,” quipped another user.
Late-night comedians wasted no time roasting the proposal.
“Mandatory thank you emails? Great, now my inbox will be filled with polite rejections from fake Nigerian princes,” joked one host.
Support From Unlikely Places
Interestingly, the bill has garnered support from the National Association of Email Spammers (NAES), which called it “a monumental step forward for the spam community.” In a press release, NAES President Chet “Clickbait” Williams stated, “For too long, our work has gone unacknowledged. This bill recognizes the blood, sweat, and hyperlinks we pour into every email.”
What’s Next?
The Electronic Gratitude Act of 2025 faces an uphill battle in Congress, where even some of Senator Pritchard’s closest allies have expressed skepticism. However, she remains optimistic, stating, “Sometimes all it takes to change the world is a little kindness—and maybe an auto-reply setting.”
As the nation debates the merits of this peculiar proposal, one thing is certain: inboxes everywhere will never be the same.
