In a move designed to energize the party base and keep voters engaged, a group of high-profile Democratic strategists has unveiled a new app called “TickTock,” which counts down the …
Electile Dysfunction
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Electile Dysfunction
Congressional Staffers Introduce ‘Bring Your Therapist to Work Day’
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryIn a groundbreaking initiative to address Capitol Hill’s growing stress levels, congressional staffers have launched the first-ever “Bring Your Therapist to Work Day.” The pilot program, held this week, saw …
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Electile Dysfunction
Trump Announces Plan to Rename National Parks After Himself: ‘They’ll Be Yuge!’
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryIn a move that has shocked environmentalists and delighted branding experts, President-elect Donald Trump announced today his plan to rebrand America’s national parks with names that “better reflect greatness.” The …
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Electile Dysfunction
Supreme Court Rules That Filibustering Must Now Include Interpretive Dance
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWASHINGTON, D.C.—In a landmark ruling destined to reshape legislative theatrics, the Supreme Court announced today that filibustering in the Senate will now require a live interpretive dance performance to accompany …
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Electile Dysfunction
Trump Promises Canadians ‘Bigly Savings’ If They Join the U.S., Says He’ll ‘Throw in Alaska for Free’
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWashington, D.C. — In yet another bold statement on Truth Social, President-elect Donald Trump has laid out his vision for a U.S.-Canada merger, offering Canadians “bigly savings” on taxes and …
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Electile Dysfunction
Breaking: Trump Rejects Traditional Art for Oval Office, Wants Framed Tweets Instead
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWashington, D.C. — In a move as bold as his tweets themselves, President-elect Donald Trump has reportedly rejected the longstanding tradition of showcasing historical art in the Oval Office. Instead, …
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Electile Dysfunction
House Majority Leader Demands TikTok Ban, Accidentally Uploads Dance Challenge
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryIn an ironic twist that has left the internet in stitches, House Majority Leader Steve Scalise’s campaign to ban TikTok took an unexpected turn this weekend when a video of …
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Electile Dysfunction
Elizabeth Warren Drafts ‘Vacation Recovery Act’ for All Public Servants
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryIn a move that perfectly balances empathy and legislative ingenuity, Senator Elizabeth Warren has introduced a groundbreaking bill aimed at easing the nation’s most overlooked crisis: the transition back to …
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Electile Dysfunction
Breaking: Senator Proposes Mandatory ‘Thank You’ Emails for All Spam Messages
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryIn a bold legislative move that has left both tech experts and everyday citizens scratching their heads, Senator Marion “Good Intentions” Pritchard (D-Middleton) has introduced a new bill requiring Americans …
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Electile DysfunctionFeatured
Pelosi Declares January 2 “Unfair” to Those Who Have to Work: “We Deserve a Universal Hangover Day!”
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWashington, D.C. – In a spirited press conference today, former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi expressed her outrage over January 2 being a regular workday for some Americans while …