PALM BEACH, FL — After a third straight day of market chaos and a trillion-dollar hemorrhage across Wall Street, former President Donald Trump reportedly logged into his brokerage account only …
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Investors Panic, Trump Suggests Putting All Retirement Funds in Trump Steaks
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryNEW YORK — As Wall Street reels from one of the worst market meltdowns in years, former President Donald Trump offered Americans a bold new investment strategy: diversify into beef. …
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Man Reads Trump Headlines on Politicule, Realizes They Might All Be Real
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FoolerySPOKANE, WA — It was supposed to be just another April Fools scroll for Greg Tander, a 43-year-old forklift technician and part-time political doomscroller. But one glance at a compilation …
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Wrong Number, Right Strike: Jeffrey Goldberg Added to Trump’s War Chat, Confused for “Jeff the Janitor”
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWASHINGTON — In a twist straight out of a rejected Veep episode, it was revealed late Thursday that the true cause of last week’s national security kerfuffle wasn’t a hacked …
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Trump Launches ‘TruthGPT,’ AI That Only Responds in Unverifiable Bragging
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryIn an announcement that immediately confused, alarmed, and exhausted both technologists and linguists, President Trump this week revealed the launch of his new artificial intelligence platform: TruthGPT—a large language model …
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Biden Emerges from Snow White Screening: “Finally, a Movie That Gets It Right!”
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWilmington, DE —In a move that has confused film critics, Disney shareholders, and at least four Secret Service agents, former President Joe Biden has declared Disney’s box office bomb Snow …
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President Adds Taylor Swift to Clearance Ban ‘In Case She’s Up to Something’
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWASHINGTON, D.C. – In a surprising escalation of his national security directive, President Donald Trump issued an addendum to his recent security clearance memo Friday evening, adding pop icon Taylor …
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Trump Claims George Washington Wanted Presidents to Serve 12 Terms, Cites ‘A Guy Who Knows History’
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryIn yet another historic revelation, President Donald Trump has declared that George Washington never intended for presidents to be limited to two terms. According to Trump, Washington fully supported presidents …
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Trump Declares ‘Eggonomic Revolution’: Proposes Egg-Based Currency to Hatch New Economy
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWASHINGTON, D.C. – “Hatching” an idea that has economists and poultry farmers equally baffled, President Donald Trump has announced his latest economic plan: replacing the U.S. dollar with eggs as …
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Shutdown Talks Stall as Senate Slips in $12B for ‘The Mitch McConnell Memorial Turtle Park’
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWASHINGTON, D.C. – In a stunning display of legislative priorities, Congress has once again managed to avoid solving a national crisis while ensuring funding for something truly essential: a $12 …