Mar-a-Lago, FL – In what is being described as the boldest economic analysis of the 21st century, former President Donald Trump has officially blamed transgender mice for the recent spike …
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Trump’s Gold Card Bonus Perks—Free Mar-a-Lago Brunch and One Pardon from Future Crimes
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryPALM BEACH, FL – President Trump has unveiled his much-anticipated “Gold Card Immigration” program, a luxury-tier pathway to U.S. residency for only the most financially blessed individuals. Unlike traditional immigration, …
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Trump Fires Department of Energy, Tells Americans to ‘Just Rub Two Sticks Together’
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking but unsurprising move, President Donald Trump announced the immediate termination of the Department of Energy, declaring it “an unnecessary, deep-state bureaucracy” and reassuring Americans …
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Florida Man Declares Himself Independent Nation: Immediately Invades Neighbor’s Backyard
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryIn a move that has left political analysts and BBQ enthusiasts equally stunned, local Floridian Chad “The Patriot” Henderson declared his backyard an independent nation on Monday afternoon, announcing himself …
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Trump Replaces Inaugural Oath with His Own Pledge: ‘I Promise to Be Tremendous!’
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryCritics question if it’s legally binding, but supporters love it. In a move that shocked constitutional scholars and thrilled his supporters, President Trump eschewed the traditional presidential oath during his …
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Democratic Strategists Launch New App ‘TickTock’ to Count Down Days Until 2028 Re-Election
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryIn a move designed to energize the party base and keep voters engaged, a group of high-profile Democratic strategists has unveiled a new app called “TickTock,” which counts down the …
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Senate Approves Funding for ‘Secret Bunker’ After Realizing It’s Just a Pizza Hut
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWASHINGTON, D.C. — In what is being described as the most embarrassing government oversight since the “Bridge to Nowhere,” the Senate has unanimously approved $50 million in funding for what …
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Breaking: Mar-a-Lago Installs Gold-Plated Podium for ‘Official Presidential Poolside Speeches’
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryPALM BEACH, FL—In what insiders are calling a “monumental upgrade” to presidential decor, Mar-a-Lago staff have unveiled a custom gold-plated podium that will serve as the centerpiece for President-elect Donald …
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Breaking: Trump Hosts First State Dinner at McDonald’s, Declares It ‘Classiest Ever’
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryIn a move that has left both critics and supporters stunned, former President Donald Trump hosted his first state dinner of the new term at none other than McDonald’s, hailing …
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Pelosi Declares January 2 “Unfair” to Those Who Have to Work: “We Deserve a Universal Hangover Day!”
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWashington, D.C. – In a spirited press conference today, former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi expressed her outrage over January 2 being a regular workday for some Americans while …