PALM BEACH, FL — After a third straight day of market chaos and a trillion-dollar hemorrhage across Wall Street, former President Donald Trump reportedly logged into his brokerage account only …
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Investors Panic, Trump Suggests Putting All Retirement Funds in Trump Steaks
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryNEW YORK — As Wall Street reels from one of the worst market meltdowns in years, former President Donald Trump offered Americans a bold new investment strategy: diversify into beef. …
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Wrong Number, Right Strike: Jeffrey Goldberg Added to Trump’s War Chat, Confused for “Jeff the Janitor”
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWASHINGTON — In a twist straight out of a rejected Veep episode, it was revealed late Thursday that the true cause of last week’s national security kerfuffle wasn’t a hacked …
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Scientists Warn Climate Change Is Real; Internet Comments Section Disagrees
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryIn a shocking and unprecedented turn of events, a team of world-renowned climate scientists has once again released a report confirming that climate change is, in fact, real. However, the …
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Trump Declares Asteroid Threat ‘Fake News,’ Proposes Space Wall to Keep It Out
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryMAR-A-LAGO, FL — As scientists sound the alarm over a newly discovered asteroid potentially hurtling toward Earth, former President Donald Trump has dismissed the reports as “fake news” and proposed …
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Trump Launches ‘Penny Stimulus’—Americans to Receive One Cent Each from Treasury
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryMere hours after announcing that he has ordered the U.S. Mint to stop producing pennies, former President Donald Trump has unveiled what he’s calling “the biggest, most incredible stimulus in …
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Politicule’s Tom Foolery Receives Ominous Threats, Mysterious Political Figure Suspected
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWASHINGTON, D.C. – Tom Foolery, the notorious mind behind the satirical powerhouse Politicule, has reportedly received a series of veiled threats from an unknown but undeniably powerful political figure. Sources …
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In a move that has left economists stunned and taxpayers scratching their heads, the IRS announced today the introduction of a groundbreaking new “Pay-What-You-Feel” tax bracket. The plan, dubbed the …
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Trump’s Plan to Cancel the Department of Education: Because Reading Is for Losers
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryDonald Trump has announced a brilliant plan to “virtually” close the Department of Education, sparking a nationwide debate—or, more accurately, a collective scratching of heads. In classic Trump fashion, the …
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Hillary Clinton and Kamala Harris Hit the Bar: “Two Rounds of Chardonnay and the Patriarchy, Please”
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryIn a scene more reminiscent of a buddy comedy than a post-election regroup, Hillary Clinton and Kamala Harris were spotted at a Washington, D.C., bar this weekend, blowing off steam …