WASHINGTON, D.C. — As grocery shelves across America remain barren of eggs, President Donald J. Trump hosted the most opulent White House Easter Egg Roll in U.S. history, featuring over …
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Trump Declares National Art Emergency, Mobilizes Space Force to Seize Offensive Portrait in Colorado
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWASHINGTON, D.C. – In what White House officials are calling “a critical moment for artistic justice,” President Donald Trump has declared a National Art Emergency in response to what he …
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President Adds Taylor Swift to Clearance Ban ‘In Case She’s Up to Something’
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWASHINGTON, D.C. – In a surprising escalation of his national security directive, President Donald Trump issued an addendum to his recent security clearance memo Friday evening, adding pop icon Taylor …
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Trump Orders Closure of ‘Edukation’ Department, Sparking National Facepalms
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryIn a bold push to reshape the federal government “one typo at a time,” former President Donald Trump signed an executive order Thursday directing the shutdown of the Department of …
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Trump Claims George Washington Wanted Presidents to Serve 12 Terms, Cites ‘A Guy Who Knows History’
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryIn yet another historic revelation, President Donald Trump has declared that George Washington never intended for presidents to be limited to two terms. According to Trump, Washington fully supported presidents …
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Trump Declares ‘Eggonomic Revolution’: Proposes Egg-Based Currency to Hatch New Economy
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWASHINGTON, D.C. – “Hatching” an idea that has economists and poultry farmers equally baffled, President Donald Trump has announced his latest economic plan: replacing the U.S. dollar with eggs as …
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NASA Confirms Alternate Universe Exists Where Government Actually Works
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryHOUSTON, TX – In a shocking scientific breakthrough, NASA announced today that astronomers have discovered an alternate universe where government functions efficiently, policies make sense, and politicians actually care about …
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Shutdown Talks Stall as Senate Slips in $12B for ‘The Mitch McConnell Memorial Turtle Park’
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWASHINGTON, D.C. – In a stunning display of legislative priorities, Congress has once again managed to avoid solving a national crisis while ensuring funding for something truly essential: a $12 …
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Schumer Promises No Shutdown – As Long As No One Actually Reads What’s In the Bill
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWASHINGTON, D.C. – In a stunning act of bipartisan wizardry, Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) assured Americans that there would be no government shutdown this weekend—on one condition: that …
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Ontario Introduces ‘Trump Tax’ on Orange Hair Dye Imports
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryTORONTO – In a bold move to retaliate against President Trump’s latest tariffs, the Ontario government has introduced a “Trump Tax” on all imports of orange hair dye, self-tanner, and …