In a groundbreaking move to modernize communications and possibly preserve staff sanity, the White House has announced that all future press briefings will now be held on Zoom. The decision, …
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Senate Approves Funding for ‘Secret Bunker’ After Realizing It’s Just a Pizza Hut
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWASHINGTON, D.C. — In what is being described as the most embarrassing government oversight since the “Bridge to Nowhere,” the Senate has unanimously approved $50 million in funding for what …
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Breaking: Mar-a-Lago Installs Gold-Plated Podium for ‘Official Presidential Poolside Speeches’
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryPALM BEACH, FL—In what insiders are calling a “monumental upgrade” to presidential decor, Mar-a-Lago staff have unveiled a custom gold-plated podium that will serve as the centerpiece for President-elect Donald …
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Kamala’s Handshake Fail Inspires New TikTok Challenge: The ‘Cane-and-Bible Dodge’
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryIn a moment that blended awkwardness, politics, and accidental comedy, Vice President Kamala Harris found herself left hanging during a swearing-in ceremony when Bruce Fischer, husband of Republican Senator Deb …
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Breaking: Biden Pardons Childhood Bully Who Stole His Lunch Money in 1953
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWashington, D.C. — In a surprising and deeply personal act of clemency, President Joe Biden announced today that he has pardoned his childhood bully, a man who, according to the …
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Capitol Hill Shutdown: Snowfall Declared a Greater Threat Than Filibusters
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWashington, D.C.—In an unprecedented move, lawmakers on Capitol Hill declared the snowfall blanketing the city to be a “national legislative emergency,” temporarily shutting down all operations in Congress. The announcement …
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Kamala Harris Declares Monday a Personal Holiday: ‘I Need Time to Recharge My Laugh’
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryIn a surprising yet oddly relatable move, Vice President Kamala Harris announced that she’s officially declaring Monday as her personal holiday, citing the need to “recharge her laugh” after an …
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Trump Prepares for Sentencing by Releasing Limited-Edition ‘Witch Hunt Survivor’ T-Shirts
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryIn true Trumpian fashion, the president-elect has turned his upcoming hush-money sentencing into a golden marketing opportunity, unveiling a line of limited-edition “Witch Hunt Survivor” T-shirts. The merch drop, announced …
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Breaking: Trump Hosts First State Dinner at McDonald’s, Declares It ‘Classiest Ever’
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryIn a move that has left both critics and supporters stunned, former President Donald Trump hosted his first state dinner of the new term at none other than McDonald’s, hailing …
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Pelosi Joins Kamala in Laugh-Filled New Year’s Toast, Champagne Goes Flat Before They Finish
by Tom Fooleryby Tom FooleryWashington, D.C. – New Year’s Eve revelers at an exclusive Capitol Hill gathering were treated to an unexpected comedy act when Nancy Pelosi and Kamala Harris joined forces for a …