HOUSTON, TX – In a shocking scientific breakthrough, NASA announced today that astronomers have discovered an alternate universe where government functions efficiently, policies make sense, and politicians actually care about their constituents.
The discovery was made by the James Webb Space Telescope, which detected what scientists are calling “a political anomaly so bizarre, it was originally dismissed as a system error.” Upon further investigation, researchers confirmed the existence of a parallel reality in which bipartisan cooperation is the norm, infrastructure bills pass on time, and debates center around facts rather than who can yell the loudest.
“We couldn’t believe what we were seeing,” said Dr. Elaine McAllister, lead astrophysicist on the project. “At first, we assumed it was a black hole, because logic and accountability were bending space-time in ways we’ve never observed before. But after careful analysis, we realized we had found something truly remarkable: a Congress that actually gets things done.”
GOVERNMENT: FUNCTIONAL, SANE, AND PRODUCTIVE?
According to NASA, in this alternate universe, roads are smooth, healthcare is affordable, and elections are free from corporate influence. Scientists even detected a House of Representatives where members read the bills before voting on them. “We tried to communicate with them,” Dr. McAllister continued, “but they were too busy discussing comprehensive climate solutions based on scientific consensus.”
Upon hearing the news, world leaders expressed a mix of fascination and jealousy. “If this is real, we must send a delegation immediately,” said an anonymous U.S. senator, who then asked if their counterpart in the alternate universe could swap places with them, preferably before the next re-election cycle.
CONSPIRACY THEORISTS CALL IT A HOAX
Meanwhile, skeptics claim the discovery is a hoax, insisting that a competent government defies the laws of physics. “This is clearly CGI,” posted one skeptic on social media. “NASA faked the moon landing, and now they expect us to believe in a universe where politicians work for the people? Get real.”
Despite the skepticism, NASA is already planning an interdimensional expedition. “If we can establish a connection between our worlds, we might be able to learn something valuable,” said Dr. McAllister. “Or at the very least, we could try to bring some of their politicians over here and see if they can fix this mess.”
For now, the newly discovered universe remains a distant dream. But one thing is clear—hope is alive, even if it exists light-years away.
