WASHINGTON, D.C. – In what experts are calling the boldest linguistic protest in congressional history, former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi delivered a nearly two-hour floor speech entirely in Klingon, the fictional warrior language from Star Trek, to protest President Trump’s executive order mandating English as the official language of the United States.
As stunned lawmakers looked on, Pelosi stood defiantly at the podium, dramatically rolled her sleeves up, and began what one staffer described as “the most aggressive guttural screaming ever witnessed in the House Chamber”.
“nuqDaq ‘oH puchpa”e’?!” Pelosi bellowed, slamming her fist onto the podium, which according to Star Trek lore loosely translates to: “Where is the bathroom?”
Confusion, Chaos, and One Accidental Blood Oath
As Pelosi continued speaking, dozens of lawmakers struggled to follow along, with some staffers hurriedly searching for a Klingon-to-English dictionary. Representative Adam Schiff was seen furiously taking notes, while Senator Bernie Sanders nodded approvingly, reportedly misinterpreting the speech as a pro-labor rallying cry.
House Minority Leader Marjorie Taylor Greene, however, was not amused, calling the speech “Satanic” and demanding that Pelosi be deported to the Klingon homeworld.
Meanwhile, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez attempted to join the protest, briefly shouting “Kapla!” (a Klingon phrase for “Success!”) before realizing that she had actually accidentally pledged a lifelong blood oath to Pelosi, a binding ritual in Klingon culture.
Trump Responds: ‘We Will Build a Wall Around Klingon’
Following the speech, President Trump took to Truth Social, posting in all caps:
“PELOSI JUST SPOKE IN KLINGON, FOLKS! UNBELIEVABLE. WE WILL BUILD A WALL AROUND KLINGON AND MAKE STAR TREK PAY FOR IT! SAD!!!”
Press Secretary Kari Lake later clarified that the White House was exploring sanctions on Klingon-speaking individuals, although when asked how they would enforce such a measure, she simply responded, “We’ll know it when we hear it.”
The Aftermath: Democrats Double Down on ‘Trek-onomics’
In the hours following Pelosi’s galactic filibuster, Democrats introduced a new bill—The Universal Linguistic Equity Act—which would:
✅ Require all government documents be translated into Klingon, Elvish, and Dothraki
✅ Mandate that C-SPAN broadcasts include subtitles in Wookiee growls
✅ Allocate $500 million in funding to teach federal employees the Vulcan salute
Meanwhile, Star Trek actor George Takei praised Pelosi’s efforts, tweeting:
“Finally, Congress speaks my language. #MakeItSo”
