Las Vegas, NV – The Super Bowl may be over, but a new scandal has emerged, sending shockwaves through the political and entertainment worlds. Former President Donald Trump has accused global pop icon Taylor Swift of intentionally ignoring his outstretched hand in what is now being called Handshake-Gate.
“The Snub Heard ‘Round the World”
According to eyewitnesses (aka some guy on Twitter with 12 followers), Trump allegedly attempted to shake Swift’s hand as she walked past his luxury box at the stadium. When Swift failed to acknowledge him—likely because she was watching her boyfriend, Travis Kelce, play in the Super Bowl—Trump took to Truth Social to unleash his fury.
“TERRIBLE snub by Taylor Swift! Very DISRESPECTFUL! My hand was out, and she just walked right by, folks. SAD! I have the BEST HANDSHAKES! Much better than Sleepy Joe’s weak, weak grip!”
Swift’s fans, known as Swifties, quickly mobilized to defend their queen, pointing out that there is zero footage of the alleged handshake attempt. However, this only fueled Trump’s base, who claimed the “deep state” had deleted all video evidence of what they are now calling The Greatest Political Betrayal Since Benedict Arnold (Or Maybe Even Worse).
MAGA Calls for a Congressional Investigation
MAGA influencers wasted no time jumping into the controversy. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene immediately called for a full congressional investigation into Handshake-Gate, tweeting:
“First they steal elections, now they’re stealing handshakes from our President! This is WAR! We will subpoena Taylor Swift!!!”
Sen. Ted Cruz, sensing an opportunity to remind people he exists, suggested Swift might be “part of the woke anti-handshake conspiracy” and promised to grill her in a Senate hearing, which he will dramatically storm out of for no reason.
Meanwhile, Rep. Lauren Boebert took a different approach, releasing a video of herself trying to high-five a cardboard cutout of Trump and missing, while declaring, “See? It happens to all of us!”
Trump’s Version of Events Evolves
As the controversy grew, Trump expanded his accusations in a press conference held at Mar-a-Lago.
“I was going to shake her hand. It was going to be a beautiful handshake, folks, just tremendous. But she saw me, and she RAN. She turned and RAN AWAY, like a scared little puppy. And you know why? Because she knows I would have given her the best career advice. She’s making, what, a couple of million? I could have made her billions—billions, folks!”
When asked by reporters why there was no video evidence of this event, Trump suggested that the NFL, the CIA, and Taylor Swift’s ex-boyfriends had all conspired to cover it up.
Swift Breaks Her Silence
Taylor Swift, known for largely avoiding political drama (except for casually toppling right-wing conspiracy theories with a single Instagram story), finally addressed the controversy in a cryptic Instagram post featuring a photo of a cat with the caption:
“Me after accidentally ignoring a handshake I never saw.”
The post was liked over 10 million times within an hour and has since been added to the Library of Congress as an official historical artifact.
The Final Verdict?
As of now, House Republicans are debating whether to move forward with impeachment proceedings against Swift, despite the minor legal hurdle that she is neither a government official nor a sitting president. Speaker Mike Johnson has promised to “get to the bottom of this very real and serious issue.”
Meanwhile, Trump supporters have vowed to boycott Swift’s music, which, as statistics show, consists mostly of people who only know Shake It Off from their aunt’s wedding in 2016.
Whether Handshake-Gate leads to actual consequences remains to be seen, but one thing is clear—Trump’s outstretched hand may remain unshaken, but his ability to create chaos out of thin air remains undefeated.
