It started as a routine speech in Iowa, but by the end of the day, Senator Ted Cruz had sparked a controversy that would dominate headlines for weeks. His claim? “The bald eagle is overrated. It’s time for a new national bird.”
The Feathered Frenzy
Cruz’s comments came during a campaign stop at a poultry farm, where he unveiled his proposal to replace the bald eagle with the wild turkey. “The turkey represents hard work, resilience, and the American dinner table,” he proclaimed, as a flock of unimpressed turkeys clucked behind him. “Plus, let’s be honest, bald eagles just sit there looking majestic. What do they actually do for America?”
The backlash was immediate. Ornithologists, patriotic organizations, and even PETA jumped into the fray. The National Audubon Society released a scathing statement: “Replacing the bald eagle with a turkey would be a disgrace to our nation’s avian heritage.” Meanwhile, the hashtag #EagleGate trended on Twitter, with memes of bald eagles crying while turkeys marched triumphantly across the screen.
The Opposition Takes Flight
Cruz’s primary challenger, Senator Josh Hawley, seized the moment to ridicule the proposal. During a televised debate, Hawley quipped, “Ted’s turkey obsession is just another example of how out of touch he is with the American people. What’s next? Replacing apple pie with kale smoothies?”
But Cruz stood firm, doubling down on his argument. “The turkey was Benjamin Franklin’s choice for a reason,” he retorted. “It’s a symbol of humility and sustenance, unlike the bald eagle, which, fun fact, steals fish from other birds.”
Birds, Ballots, and Backlash
As the controversy spiraled, Cruz’s team attempted damage control by organizing a “Turkey Tour” across the Midwest. At each stop, supporters were given turkey-shaped foam hats and free turkey sandwiches. Unfortunately, the tour hit a snag when a live turkey escaped during a rally in Kansas, causing minor chaos and further cementing the campaign’s reputation as a political circus.
Meanwhile, late-night comedians had a field day. “Ted Cruz wants turkeys to replace bald eagles,” joked one host. “At least now we know what he’s serving at his concession speech dinner.”
The Election Day Fallout
On November 8, Cruz narrowly lost his re-election bid, with exit polls revealing that 67% of voters were “deeply concerned” about his bird-related priorities. In his concession speech, Cruz tried to strike a conciliatory tone: “While the turkey may not have soared to the heights I imagined, I hope this campaign has inspired us all to think critically about our national symbols.”
As Cruz returned to the Senate’s metaphorical roost, the legacy of “Turkeygate” served as a cautionary tale: sometimes, flying too close to controversy can leave even the most seasoned politicians grounded.
