Mar-a-Lago, FL – In what is being described as the boldest economic analysis of the 21st century, former President Donald Trump has officially blamed transgender mice for the recent spike in cheese prices across America.
Speaking at a campaign rally, Trump declared, “You know what’s driving up cheese prices? It’s not inflation, it’s not Biden. It’s these radical left scientists turning perfectly good, hard-working male mice into something else! It’s a disgrace, folks.” The statement was met with a mix of roaring applause and mild confusion as supporters frantically tried to figure out if their grocery bills were, in fact, the result of gender-fluid rodents.
A Deep State Cheese Conspiracy?
Trump’s theory stems from a government-funded study that experimented with hormone treatments in lab mice, a detail he insists is proof of a woke, socialist cheese agenda. “We’ve got mice running around confused about their gender, and now suddenly your cheddar costs more? Connect the dots, people!” he shouted, pointing at a large image of a wheel of Gouda projected behind him.
The campaign quickly followed up with a statement warning of “Biden’s Radical Rodent Agenda”, suggesting that gender experiments on mice could soon spread to cows, leading to what Trump ominously called “trans milk.”
Dairy Industry Scrambles to Respond
Dairy farmers and cheese manufacturers were caught off guard by the accusation. “We can confidently say that mice—transgender or otherwise—are not responsible for supply chain disruptions,” said a spokesperson for Kraft. “If anything, the biggest threat to cheese prices is billionaires buying up dairy farms.”
Despite the industry’s attempt to clarify reality, Trump supporters have already begun boycotting what they call “woke cheese”, with some vowing to only buy dairy products from farms that can prove their mice are “biologically traditional.”
What’s Next?
Trump’s campaign has reportedly begun drafting a “No Cheese Left Behind” policy, which will require all future dairy product labels to include a “100% Gender-Conforming Mice” certification. Meanwhile, sources inside Mar-a-Lago claim Trump has personally instructed his team to investigate the gender identity of Mickey Mouse, vowing that “no rodent is above the law.”
With cheese prices continuing to rise, and confusion growing among voters, one thing is clear—America’s dairy industry may never be the same.
