MAR-A-LAGO, FL — As scientists sound the alarm over a newly discovered asteroid potentially hurtling toward Earth, former President Donald Trump has dismissed the reports as “fake news” and proposed a groundbreaking solution: a massive Space Wall to keep the asteroid out.
Asteroid? What Asteroid?
During an impromptu press conference from his Mar-a-Lago golf course, Trump assured his supporters that the asteroid, identified by NASA as 2024 YR4, was “probably not even real” and, if it were, would be “handled better than anyone else has ever handled an asteroid.”
“I’ve talked to the best people, the greatest scientists, and they tell me this is just another hoax,” Trump declared. “First, it was climate change, then it was COVID, now it’s asteroids. It’s always something with these radical left scientists. But we’re not falling for it.”
Despite dismissing the threat, Trump went on to propose a plan that he claims will ensure Earth’s safety indefinitely: a tremendous, beautiful Space Wall.
The Space Wall Plan
According to Trump, the Space Wall would be an “impenetrable force field” designed to block not only asteroids but also, as he vaguely hinted, “anything else floating around up there that we don’t like.”
“It’ll be the greatest wall you’ve ever seen,” Trump boasted. “It’s going to be big, strong, and very, very powerful. You won’t believe how effective it is. The asteroid will come flying in, see the wall, and say, ‘Nope, not today.’”
Funding and Construction
When asked how a wall would function in the vacuum of space or how much it would cost, Trump dodged specifics. “We have the best engineers, folks. The best. They built Trump Tower, didn’t they? They can build a Space Wall.”
Pressed further on funding, he provided a familiar response: “We’re going to get the Martians to pay for it. One hundred percent. They have lots of money. They’ve been ripping us off for decades. It’s time to get tough.”
Expert Opinions
Scientists and engineers, however, have expressed doubts over both the necessity and feasibility of the Space Wall.
“Building a physical barrier in space is impossible,” said Dr. Celeste Orion of the Planetary Defense Institute. “Asteroids don’t just stop because someone declares a wall exists. That’s not how physics works.”
Some NASA officials, speaking anonymously, admitted that while Trump’s idea is “completely absurd,” they do appreciate that he at least acknowledged space as real, which they consider “a step forward.”
Public Reaction
Supporters at Trump rallies have already embraced the Space Wall concept, with early merchandise appearing at rallies, including red hats emblazoned with ‘Make Space Safe Again.’
“He’s a genius,” said one supporter. “NASA has been sitting around for decades, and he’s the first one to actually propose a real solution.”
Others, however, are less convinced. Critics have compared the idea to past grandiose promises, noting that his previous border wall remains unfinished.
Next Steps
Despite the skepticism, Trump remains adamant that the Space Wall will become reality, promising to launch a GoFundMe to “privately fund the greatest space protection system in human history.”
Meanwhile, as the asteroid continues on its trajectory, scientists remain hopeful that the real, functional planetary defense measures in place—such as NASA’s DART impactor mission—will prove more effective than a hypothetical intergalactic wall.
One thing is certain: if the asteroid does hit Earth, Trump will be the first to tweet that it was Joe Biden’s fault.
