In a move that sent shockwaves through both Hollywood and Washington, President-elect Donald Trump has unveiled his “Hollywood Dream Team,” consisting of Sylvester Stallone, Mel Gibson, and Jon Voight. Their first mission? Taking down what Trump refers to as “woke cinema” and restoring Hollywood to its “former, tremendous glory.”
The Announcement
At a press conference held poolside at Mar-a-Lago, Trump declared his plan to “make movies great again” by scrapping “politically correct nonsense” and replacing it with action-packed blockbusters featuring big explosions, bigger muscles, and absolutely no moral ambiguity.
“People are tired of the woke stuff,” Trump said, gesturing emphatically. “Nobody wants to see movies about feelings or lectures on climate change. They want heroes. They want action. And they want Sylvester Stallone punching people.”
Standing beside Trump, Stallone flexed his biceps for the cameras, while Gibson nodded solemnly and Voight gave an impromptu speech about the importance of “traditional American storytelling.”
Barbie Gets a Makeover
The Dream Team’s first target is none other than Barbie, the breakout hit of 2023 that Trump claims was “too woke to be fun.” The trio plans to reboot the franchise with Stallone as Barbie’s sidekick, “Barbo,” a grizzled action hero who helps her navigate a dystopian world of cancel culture and gluten-free lattes.
“We’re calling it Barbie: Dawn of Freedom,” Stallone explained. “It’s going to have car chases, explosions, and, of course, me running in slow motion.”
Trump interjected, “And let’s be honest, folks—she’ll look even better in red, white, and blue.”
The Anti-Woke Manifesto
The Dream Team outlined their broader plan to save Hollywood, which includes:
Banning scripts with more than two consecutive scenes of dialogue.
Replacing movie soundtracks with classic American rock anthems.
Creating a mandatory “hero saves the day” clause for all endings.
Gibson is reportedly working on a project titled Liberty’s Last Stand, a film that imagines America as a dystopian wasteland saved by a rugged individualist played, naturally, by Gibson himself.
“We need films that inspire,” Gibson said. “Not ones that lecture you about saving the whales while you’re trying to enjoy popcorn.”
Reactions from Hollywood
The announcement has predictably divided the entertainment world. Supporters are calling the move “long overdue,” while critics argue it’s little more than a vanity project.
“It’s like they’re rebooting Hollywood into the 1980s,” said one anonymous studio executive. “I half expect to see Arnold Schwarzenegger in a cameo as President.”
In response, Trump tweeted: “The 1980s were the BEST decade for movies. Huge hits, HUGE stars. Why would we want anything else?”
What’s Next?
The Hollywood Dream Team has already announced their second project: Top Gun: MAGA Edition, which will feature Tom Cruise teaching a new generation of pilots how to “fly high and salute the flag.”
As Trump wrapped up the press conference, he made a bold promise: “By the end of my first term, you won’t even remember what woke cinema was. And if you do, it’s because we’ll have turned it into a comedy.”
Whether Hollywood will embrace this seismic shift remains to be seen, but one thing is clear: the Dream Team is ready to take on Tinseltown, one explosion at a time.
