Mere hours after announcing that he has ordered the U.S. Mint to stop producing pennies, former President Donald Trump has unveiled what he’s calling “the biggest, most incredible stimulus in history.” His plan? Every American will receive exactly one cent as a farewell gift to the discontinued coin.
Trump’s Grand Reveal
Taking to Truth Social, Trump celebrated his decision to end penny production while also baffling economists by announcing that every American will still receive a final penny—courtesy of the U.S. Treasury.
“This is a tremendous, beautiful stimulus, folks,” Trump wrote. “We’re saving billions by cutting these useless pennies, but I’m also a very generous guy, so I’m giving every hardworking American one last cent—for FREE! This has never been done before. Huge!”
While pennies currently cost over three cents to produce, the government’s plan to distribute the digital one-cent payments is estimated to cost taxpayers over $1.5 billion, making the initiative 500 times more expensive than simply keeping the penny in circulation. Treasury officials were reportedly too stunned to object before the program was already in motion.
How It Works
Each American will receive their penny via direct deposit, whether they want it or not. As an added incentive, citizens can donate their stimulus penny to Trump’s 2024 campaign in exchange for a “Platinum Patriot Donor” certificate and a thank-you email signed “Best, Donald J. Trump.”
As for all remaining pennies currently in circulation, Trump announced plans to melt them down and use the metal to build a towering golden statue of himself, tentatively titled “The Best President.” Aides say the statue will feature Trump’s thumbs-up pose and play a recording of him saying “You’re welcome, America!” every time someone walks by.
Mixed Reactions
Trump supporters have hailed the move as “the most generous economic package in history.” Meanwhile, Democrats are demanding a counter-stimulus, arguing that Americans deserve at least two cents—leading to fierce debates over who actually gives better cents.
Economists, struggling to remain professional, have warned that the initiative could technically add $6 trillion to the national debt, a claim Trump instantly dismissed as “fake news from nerds.”
What’s Next?
Not content with just eliminating pennies, Trump teased a follow-up proposal: a “Nickel Buyback Program”, in which Americans would be forced to exchange five pennies for a single nickel, which he described as “a much classier coin.”
Meanwhile, the Biden administration is reportedly considering bringing back the penny, but only if it’s fully electric and carbon-neutral.
As America barrels into the future of currency reform, one thing is certain: Trump’s economic plans continue to make absolutely no cents.
