In what he’s calling his “biggest trade victory yet,” former President Donald Trump has announced the launch of ‘Made-in-USA’ Canadian Bacon, the first product of his America First, Canada Later economic policy. Standing proudly in front of a massive griddle, Trump declared that his tariffs had forced American bacon manufacturers to “rise to the occasion and make the greatest Canadian bacon right here in the USA—better than Canada ever could!”
Trump’s Bacon Breakthrough
At a press conference, Trump held up a package of the new American-made Canadian bacon and grinned. “You know, they call it ‘Canadian’ bacon, but guess what? We make it now, so it’s actually better! Maybe even the best.” He then took a bite of a thick slice and nodded approvingly. “This is a win for America. This is real bacon. Not like what Trudeau sends us. That stuff? That’s woke bacon. Sad!”
Trump’s latest victory stems from massive tariffs he imposed on Canadian pork, sending bacon prices skyrocketing. “**We had no choice. Canada was taking advantage of us with their ham pretending to be bacon! So we said, ‘You know what? We’ll do it ourselves—and folks, we’re doing it bigly.”
A Whole New Meaning to ‘Canadian’ Bacon
Despite its Made in the USA label, Trump has refused to change the name of the product, claiming it’s a “strategic branding move.” A Trump spokesperson explained, “If we changed the name, people wouldn’t know what it is. And if they don’t know what it is, they won’t buy it. It’s like Greenland—we call it Greenland, but it’s mostly ice. Same idea.”
As part of the campaign, Mar-a-Lago’s breakfast menu has officially dropped all Canadian-imported bacon and replaced it with “Real American Canadian Bacon, Proudly Made in Florida.”
Canada Responds, Confused
Canadian officials were reportedly baffled by the announcement. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, upon hearing the news, paused for several moments before saying, “Wait…what?” When asked for further comment, Trudeau simply repeated, “But
that’s just ham.”
However, the move has sparked tension between the two nations, with Canadian officials threatening to retaliate by renaming American cheeseburgers “Freedom Sandwiches.”
Bacon’s Next Stop: Trump Hotels?
The former president has already teased his next move: Trump-branded bacon for his hotels and restaurants. Trump’s team hinted at new packaging featuring his face and the slogan, “Better Than Canada’s, Because I Said So.”
Meanwhile, industry insiders report that Ivanka Trump has already filed trademarks for “Trump Smoked Hams” and “MAGA Maple Syrup.”
As ‘Made-in-USA’ Canadian Bacon rolls out in stores, one thing is clear: if Trump can make Canadian bacon American, what’s next? A U.S.-made Eiffel Tower? The Grand Canyon 2.0?
